Enigma.

Immortality

2008-12-13T22:11:00.006+08:00

What is death? Is it the time when all body functions shut down one after another, or is it a time your spirit is finally free of its minor mortal body and it able to join the divine. These questions always remain as veiled truths. But we do know one thing, death is both final and absolute; like a speeding train it comes without warning. Either by plague or murder. And only luck, medicine, and law can postpone it.

What if a person can’t die but instead live without fear of death? A true immortal as seen in legends. To live on the human plane without end. The body would be forever unspoilt. The skin does not turn grey, the hair still lustrous, height, weight, health, all the same as if erected by stone. And the mind, the mind’s potential would grow into a mass that even the most educated scholar would kill for. Ages upon ages of knowledge and experience locked away in their immortal treasure chest in their head. The power, the freedom, there are countless advancements to be had without death. Many good things to help the human world.

Or, things could be total opposite. The world could be filled with heartless goals. An immortal, with endless knowledge of the ages could take human civilization and crush it in their grasp. He could command armies with false hopes or could rule wisely based on the triumphs and mistakes of rulers like Alexander, Genghis Khan, and Nobunaga Oda. And for a lasting rule, there would be no need for a successor. The leader would live forever without fear of his empire falling to ruin. The ultimate deity, forever.

Yet, would one want this type of life? A life full of everlasting youth. Eternal existence is a gift from heaven, but there are many drawbacks. For one, the immortal’s family and friends will age before their very eyes. The ones that the immortal loves will be gone and turned to dust while the everlasting being nary ages a day. In the end, he is all alone, no one to comfort or love, just to go on in time forever. Another reason is the mystery of death. Knowing for a fact that is all-powerful being can do anything but to meet death head on. He cannot be harmed or maimed, and he can do so many great things in the world, but death will never come. It’s like the one that got away, the one thing he or she can never get a hold of. The immortal would live a tormented life praying for death. The all-powerful, no matter how much power he would have, would still not find a way to die. He would want it, need it, yet still not get it. A wandering soul wanting to go home.

Death is coming if you like it or not. So sit back and live your life until that final day comes and death comes knocking at your door in all his dark robed glory. Or you can wish for immortality. It could be a blessing... or a curse.

Self exploration

2008-12-02T14:10:00.009+08:00

Holidays have been going pretty badly this time. Probably it's like that always, but just worse than ever this year. Fortunately, I didn't have to go to India or something.

With the absence of friends, one in Shanghai, one right here in Bishan, but quite busy, others merely being there as decoration, and the reduction of time spent with my dear brother, plus miscommunication with my dance group, not forgetting the prolonged distance between me and him, I'm really quite lonely. Choir kept me alive for the past one month, but now, there are no more practices.

When I attempt to spend time painting, it just doesn't come like it used to. I end off lying on my bed, pondering over so many issues. Things that made me feel so worthless. Things that did not let me to shine, like how I used to and can. Things that caused my self-esteem to plunge to its nadir.

Temptations. Adolescence. Friends. Social life. Need for feeling important. Need for attention. Love. Family. Character. Society. Prerequisites. Academics. Music. Dance. Theatre. Passion. Dreams.

Sometimes, I just feel like switching my sign to Aquarius or Aries, whatsoever. A sign which can allow you to remain lively and enthusiastic almost all the time, being the spotlight, instead of the one always being overshadowed by others. I'm tired of giving in to others, letting them dazzle, while I stoop lower and lower, for their benefit.

Now, it's time for me to live my life the way I want. To experience all my passions and love to the fullest, instead of starving my soul into submission.

Religion

2008-10-27T14:14:00.005+08:00

Hi fools. I'm BACK to cleave all of your eyes by making them tired of reading my sickening posts.

It had been another interesting day, yesterday. Musing about the one thing which can spark off or cause great things, whether it is faith, fear, riots, quarrels, differentiation or good/bad morals in one's character. It is... religion.

A religion is a set of tenets and practices, often centered upon specific supernatural and moral claims about reality, the cosmos and human nature, and often codified as prayer, ritual or religious law. Religion also encompasses ancestral or cultural traditions, writings, history, and mythology, as well as personal faith and religious experience. The term "religion" refers to both the personal practices related to communal faith and to group rituals and communication stemming from shared conviction.

No matter your religion, faith, or beliefs, there are benefits of religion that are non denominational and a benefit to the human race as a whole.

1. Friendship. Friendship is a vital element of any religion. Religious people can make wonderful and lasting friendships that can last a lifetime. The church/temple is a place to meet others that share your beliefs giving you a strong platform to build a friendship on.

2. Spiritual Growth. Your beliefs will be strengthened and confirmed. You will explore your spirituality and from that can come personal growth. Your faith can help you find answers to those difficult questions and help you better understand your purpose in this world.

3. Mental Health. Religion has been show to improve a person’s mental well being. Their belief system is reinforced and the interaction with other members is very beneficial to one overall mental health.

4. Community. Religion builds community as individuals share their faith with other brothers and sisters of their religion. Social gatherings and meeting encourage a community to grow and prosper within the faith.

5. Creative Expression. Religion also builds creativity and artistic skills through music and prayer. Religious people are also able to increase their skill by participating in religious activities or helping organise celebrations.

6. A Break. Attending church/temple sets a recognizable break away from work, family issues, and self fulfilling issues. It’s a time out period that is dedicated to concentrating on God.

7. Consoling. Many people have found help for loneliness and grief in religion. In fact many have been known to turn to religion after the loss of a partner or loved one. In times of sadness and loneliness the church/temple congregation and religion can be very consoling to a person.

8. Strength. The faith in ones religion can give a person the strength to carry on, to struggle through obstacles and become a stronger and better person from the experience.

But... Disadvantages?

The Prestige

2008-10-26T20:24:00.002+08:00

Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts.

The first part is called "The Pledge". The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course... it probably isn't.

The second act is called "The Turn". The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know. You want to be fooled.

But you wouldn't clap yet. Because making something disappear isn't enough; you have to bring it back. That's why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call "The Prestige".

fear

2008-10-05T13:04:00.004+08:00

If someone asks me, "What is your greatest fear?" and I would reply "Oh, it is the horrifying and disheartening experience to lose a loved one."

If someone asks me, "What is your greatest physical fear?" and I would flounder to answer this question.

The reason for that is my greatest fear is spirits.

Some say that what you fear what you cannot see. I suppose that's pretty true. Are spirits physical? Do they even exist in reality? Or just in the minds of humans? Spirits are said to be formed by spirit particles. And they take the form of how they looked when they died.

Why am I so afraid of them? I think movies and my imagination play a huge role in terrifying. When I'm alone, or it is dark at night, something will just be looming in front of me, but it really is not there. But, what if it is?

Freaky.

horoscopes

2008-08-31T08:55:00.007+08:00

Are you one of those people who take their horoscope very seriously? I would caution you against it. Positive thinking is proven to be extremely influential, and if you believe that you will succeed, you will. A daily reading is not necessary for success. The real dangers are when your horoscopes are negative. You don't have to accept any negative forecast over your life. You have more control over some things that you might think you do. Don't rely on your horoscope to tell you about your love life, financial situation or success.

There is danger in allowing someone else to influence your decision making in the area of romance. You could have a wonderful significant other that truly is right for you. Maybe you are thinking that it is too good to be true, and your horoscope tells you that they are not the one. You could be throwing away the love of your life for no good reason other than a silly superstition. Love relationships should never be determined by an outside influence. How many times do you think the horoscope says, "you will find true love?" They always say that. Only you can know if someone is right for you. If you find that you are not happy most of the time, it's probably not working out. Decide what you truly want, and then don't compromise it. Don't be extremely picky, but at least decide on what you don't want, and refuse to accept those things.

If you rely on your horoscope to tell you your fate, beware. General horoscopes are aimed towards a general audience, not to you. If there is anything negative, you can choose not to accept it. Usually, people with positive attitudes get more of what they want out of life than people with negative ones. What you believe is more often than not what will happen to you. If you fear something too much, it will probably happen to you, because you are trying too hard to avoid it.

If you really want to accomplish something, you should be determined to make things work. You have a choice on whether or not to make what you read a reality for your life. Truth or lie is up to you to decide. Go ahead and read the horoscopes. They are good to pass the time if you are bored, and maybe for a good laugh, but don't trust your whole life to it.

Scents - leading a sensuous life

2008-06-04T08:24:00.008+08:00

We can study perfumes and the secrets of their manufacture, from distilling heavily scented oils to the burning odorous gums for there is no mood of the mind that had not its counterpart in the sensuous life. We should set ourselves to discover their true relations, wondering what there is in frankincense that makes one mystical, and in ambergris that stirs one's passions, and in violets that wake the memory of dead romances, and in musk that troubles the brain, and in champak that stains the imagination; and seeking often to elaborate a real psychology of perfumes, and to estimate the several influences of sweet-smelling roots and scented, pollen-laden flowers; of aromatic balms and of dark and fragrant woods; of spikenard, that sickens; of hovenia, that makes men mad; and of aloes, that are said to be able to expel melancholy from the soul.

a new hedonism

2008-05-30T00:45:00.008+08:00

The worship of the senses is often, and with much justice, decried, with men feeling a natural instinct of terror about passions and sensations that seem stronger than themselves, and that they are conscious of sharing with the less highly organized forms of existence.

However, it appears that the true nature of the senses has never been understood, and that they remain savage and animal merely because the world seeks to starve them into submission or to kill them by pain, instead of aiming at making them elements of a new spirituality, of which a fine instinct for beauty was to be the dominant characteristic.

Looking back upon man moving through history, we are to be haunted by a feeling of loss. So much had been surrendered! And to such little purpose! There had been mad wilful rejections, monstrous forms of self-torture and self-denial, whose origin was fear and whose result was a degradation infinitely more terrible than that fancied degradation from which, in their ignorance, they had sought to escape.

Yes, there have to be a new Hedonism; that is to recreate life and to save it from that harsh purity. It is to have its service of the intellect, certainly, yet it is never to accept any theory or system that would involve the sacrifice of any mode of passionate experience. Its aim, indeed, is to experience itself, and not the fruits of the experience, sweet or bitter as they might be. It is to know nothing of the asceticism that deadens the senses, and of the vulgar profligacy that dulls them but it is to teach man to concentrate himself upon the beautiful moments of life.

There are few of us who have not sometimes wakened before dawn, either after one of those dreamless nights that make us almost enamoured of death, or one of those nights of horror and misshapen joy, when through the chambers of the brain sweep phantoms more terrible than reality itself, and instinct with that vivid life that lurks in all grotesques, and that lends to Gothic art its enduring vitality, this art being, one might fancy, especially the art of those whose minds have been troubled with the malady of reverie.

Gradually white fingers creep through the curtains, and they appear to tremble. In black fantastic shapes, dumb shadows crawl into the corners of the room and crouch there. Outside, there is the stirring of birds among the leaves, or the sound of men going forth to their work, or the sigh and sob of the wind coming down from the hills and wandering round the silent house, as though it feared to wake the sleepers and yet must needs call forth sleep from her purple cave.

Veil after veil of thin dusky gauze is lifted, and by degrees the forms and colours of things are restored to them, and we watch the dawn remaking the world in its antique pattern. The wan mirrors get back their mimic life. The flameless tapers stand where we had left them, and beside them lies the half-cut book that we had been studying, or the letters that we had been afraid to read, or that we had read too often.

Nothing seems to us changed. Out of the unreal shadows of the night comes back the real life that we had known. We have to resume it where we had left off, and there steals over us a terrible sense of the necessity for the continuance of energy in the same wearisome round of stereotyped habits, or a wild longing, it may be, that our eyelids might open some morning upon a world that had been refashioned anew in the darkness for our pleasure, a world in which things would have fresh shapes and colours, and be changed, or have other secrets, a world in which the past would have little or no place, or survive, at any rate, in no conscious form of obligation or regret, the remembrance even of joy having its bitterness and the memories of pleasure their pain.

It is the creation of such worlds as these that seem to be the true object, or amongst the true objects, of life, and in our search for sensations that will be at once new and delightful, and possess that element of strangeness that is so essential to romance, we should often adopt certain modes of thoughts that I know to be really alien to our nature, abandon ourselves to their subtle influences, catch their colour and satisfy our intellectual curiosity and leave them with that curious indifference that it is incompatible with a real ardour of temperament.

Youth

2008-04-04T08:19:00.006+08:00

Youth is one thing worth living. Some day when you are old and wrinkled and ugly, and when thought had seared your forehead with lines, and when passion branded your lips with its hideous fires, you will feel it terribly.

Beauty is a form of Genius; it is higher, indeed, than Genius, as it needs no explanation. It is one of the greatest facts of the world, like sunlight, or spring-time, or the reflection in dark waters of that silver shell we call moon. It cannot be questioned. It has its divine right of sovereignty. People say sometimes that Beauty is only superficial. However, Beauty is a wonders of wonders. It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.

The gods have been good to the beautiful ones. But what the gods give, they quickly take away. You have only a few years in which to live really, perfectly and fully. When your youth goes, your beauty will go with it, and then you discover that there are no triumphs left for you, or you have to content yourself with those mean triumphs that the memory of your past make more bitter than defeats.

Every month as it wanes brings you nearer to something dreadful. Time is jealous of you, and wars against your lilies and your roses. You will become sallow, and hollow-cheeked, and dull-eyed. You will suffer horribly...

Realize your youth while you have it. Don't squander the gold of your days, listening to the tedious, trying to improve the hopeless failure, or giving away your life to the ignorant, the common, and the vulgar. These are the sickly aims, the false ideals, of our age.

Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching fornew sensations. Be afraid of nothing. . . For there is such a little time that your youth will last--such a little time.

The common hill-flowers wither, but they blossom again. The laburnum will be as yellow next June as it is now. In a month there will be purple stars on the clematis, and year after year the green night of its leaves will hold its purple stars.

But we never get back our youth. The pulse of joy that beats in us at twenty becomes sluggish. Our limbs fail, our senses rot. We degenerate into hideous puppets, haunted by the memory of the passions of which we were too much afraid, and the exquisite temptations that we had not the courage to yield to.

Youth! Youth! There is absolutely nothing in the world but youth!

sweetest joy, wildest woe

2008-03-15T22:31:00.005+08:00

I don't love you because I need you.
I need you because I love you.

Life going backwards.

2008-03-11T18:49:00.003+08:00

Just recently, I received a very interesting chain mail. It was about how a man desires his life to travel in a backward direction. In other words, you become younger and younger each day. To imagine that experience is really something different and extraordinary. Here it is:

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.

You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.

You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

Gladiator

2008-02-08T11:29:00.002+08:00

It's a pretty old movie. It's one of the most fantastic movies I've seen, though. All the beautiful elements blended into one movie.

Vengeance, greed, sorrow, loyalty, respect, strength, truth, victory, honour, secrets, betrayal, lies, conspiracy and destiny.

I loved it. I cried for it. Indeed.

Dreams encore...

2008-02-08T00:47:00.002+08:00

The pines were towering in height
With the winds howling in the night.

From the darkness dread and drear,
Her light fled,
Stony, dread,
And her locks covered with grey despair.

"Life is an relaxed journey these days. Unperturbed and free."

How I wish these fictitious words are true. Adversity just never ceases to pursue me. How I desire for a quiet and peaceful life... where riddles and enigmas drifts curiously everywhere. I just crave to live in a world with puzzles, mysteries and quests. Not a factual and dreary world, in which we all have to live in fear. Is there such a paradise? For my greatest nightmare is to deny the reality of my private myths.

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Wrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Once in the dream of a night I stood

Lone in the light of a magical wood,
Soul-deep in visions that poppy-like sprang;
And spirits of Truth were the birds that sang,
And spirits of Love were the stars that glowed,
And spirits of Peace were the streams that flowed
In that magical wood in the land of sleep.

Fiddle, my friend.

2008-02-07T23:59:00.001+08:00

The compelling violin lures
With an irresistible yearn
Dance, dance, please dance for me
I can no longer adjourn!

Ethereal notes float from its strings
Caressing like a lover's hand
Sensual music, Angel's touch
Leading the way to wonderland

Embracing with utter delight
Craving, beckoning me
Tempting my lonely heart
Dance, dance on my melody!

Faster, faster the music escapes
Without compassion to body or soul
Seducer of lonely hearts
Until dancing is my only goal

Faces gyrate while I dance on passion
Flashes of fire in the corner of my eyes
The violin plays like never before
Until I become one and loneliness dies

With a final cry and a final touch
The violin stops, the music ends
Leaving behind an emptiness
We'll meet again, my violin friend

Dreams.

2007-12-20T16:22:00.000+08:00

A fool's paradise. I'm having really weird dreams nowadays. Not the kind when you are in deep sleep, and the dream just takes place. It's the kind when I'm just half-asleep and I'm sub-consciously imagining it... It's like a story that I'm fantasizing. And surprisingly, sometimes, those so-called imagination goes on and on so long that it has to be like a serial.

They are just SO strange.

Simple, sweet and funny.

2007-12-15T03:12:00.000+08:00

Simple, sweet and funny. That should be the code words or guidelines for all emcees. No matter how formal an event is, there are exceptions of course, such as sombre events like funerals, emcees should speak in a way which is easy for the audience to comprehend, and most importantly, with an essence of humour.

If you look up the word "emcee" in a dictionary, the explanation would be stated as "master of ceremony". If you are being an emcee, and you decide to stick on the classic way of speaking, especially with the learn-by-rote lines, one would be in the midst of deepest slumber after listening to two minutes of your soporific speech. Remember, you are the master of the ceremony.

So my dear loyal readers, especially, aspiring emcees, always recall these three words: Simple, sweet and funny.

Anger

2007-12-13T04:28:00.004+08:00

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
Ambrose Bierce

"He who angers you conquers you." Elizebeth Kenny

Holding on to rage is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of hurling it at someone else; you are the one who gets scalded. Learn how to control it, and you will succeed in life. Keeping vexed thoughts in your mind does not really matter much, but venting your fury by actions is outrageous and never sufferable.

Eradicate hyporcrisy and empty vessels.

2007-11-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

You have already christened my impassiveness "melancholy". Cease your sappy feigning. It's very agonizing.

That is my current msn personal message. Well, it suits my situation perfectly. I don't despise or loathe that so-called (S)He Who Must Not Be Named. However, my mind is still writhing with fury. Rage. ANGER. Mental torture. Day and night. Dusk and dawn. I didn't rest or relax in peace AT ALL. So much tears, wasted just like that. All because of your harsh words. Have you heard of the phrase "A pen is mightier than a sword"?

Friends are beautiful.

2007-11-01T13:39:00.000+08:00

"Friends are not really the ones who try to make you a better person. They're the ones who bring out the best in you, without meaning to do so."

I'm greatly impressed. This line has been quoted from an acquaintance's blog who prefers to be unnamed. Let's just title her Miss Mature for the time being.

The world is beautiful. Friends make the world MORE beautiful. Yes, I agree with Miss Mature. It is really difficult to be a solitude. Life would be very miserable. I probably wouldn't have managed to last without these special people in my life. Though my whole primary school life was brimmed with isolation (not unlike Miss Mature), the moment I entered this school, I've decided within a nano second that THEY are my FRIENDS. And one of those friends said this, "You shouldn't regard someone as a true friend that fast. It might take years to choose one." Well, that isn't exactly very wrong, it's not even wrong at all in fact, but I personally think we don't have to take such an elongated period to carefully analyze the character and the personality of the friend and ponder on whether he or she would suit us perfectly. Possibly, different people have different views of friends, of course.

To me, if you care for me and you are ready to help at even the most unexpected times and you are able to lend your shoulder to cry on and you give a listening ear to my problems and advise me to the best of your ability AND I feel exactly the same way towards you and am prepared to carry out all these things for you, we are friends.

I would like to have a friend who spends times of happiness with me, and times of sorrow with me. I would like to have a friend who can understand me and whom I can understand too. I would like to have a friend who forgives me for my mistakes and whom I would forgive her (or him) for her mistakes. I would like a friend who trusts me and whom I trust too.I would like to have a friend who helps to slowly bring out the best in me and teach me to discard the worst in me (not pressurize me) and whom I also blah blah blah. FINALLY, I would like a friend who loves me, and whom i can love with all my heart too.

And, I do indeed have friends. They might not have obtained all these so-called "expectations", but they are still my friends. Why? You might ask. Because, I do BELIEVE that they would, one fine day. Ah.. it would certainly be a very fine day.

A jigsaw puzzle is never complete without a missing piece. Life would never be fully appreciated without these special people. A game of chess can never be played even without a single, simple pawn. Whether how small you are in my life, like a pawn, if you are my friend, you indeed make a huge difference in my life.

Thank you, God. Thank you very much for giving me such a beautiful gift. Friends are indeed... beautiful.

Deathly Hallows... continued...

2007-10-04T14:50:00.000+08:00

The first time I skimmed through the contents of the book, from the moment I laid my eyes on the book to the very end, though I got the picture of the main plot of the tome, my mind had not yet reached the insight of it (at that point of moment). This is primarily because my main intention was to scan through the book and to find out who the victor was - Harry Potter/Voldermort.

However, now that I had just completed perusing the seventh book thoroughly, I understand the true meaning of the book, I managed to fathom the hidden meanings. The books. All of them. It's a spider web, the whole plot. Weaves in and out too well. I think Deathly Hallows had made my repute in the books to upsurge much more. I used to adore the Harry Potter series. Now, I'm simply PURELY crazy over the books. It's beautiful, the meaning of everything.

The annoying thing is that everyone thinks that I'm attracted to Harry Potter series because it's so wow... so magical and nice. Some think that I like because it's an evil book with dark stuff in it... (I would have preferred Lord of the Rings much better then... it has a much more deeper and more complicated plot, plus MAGNIFICENT.) Alright, those MIGHT be partly the reasons. However, the major reason is that I'm much attached to the veiled meanings of the tomes. The veritable meaning of love, greed, life, power, fear, friendship, trust, courage and of course DEATH. If my msn is one those in your lists, you would know my current nick, if you bother remembering. For the sake of those who do not know, here it goes:

Who is the true conquerer of Death?

He is the individual who does not abscond from death but embrace it willingly in his arms. He understands the meaning of mortality.

It is an extract from one of the last few chapters of the Deathly Hallows, known as King's Cross (on of my favourite chapters), but of course much more modified. It may seem boring when I repeat repeatedly that the plot is exceptionally beautiful but it's really the truth. Read it, and you would understand if you have ever felt love in your life, but wouldn't,

if you have a heart made of cold stone.

Seri, you've touched my heart.

2007-09-22T11:25:00.000+08:00

Serious. I didn't expect in my life that someone would actually regard me as someone that special. Seri has proved me wrong so beautifully. You see, it all started when she added me in msn. I do not grasp the reason why I just felt like questioning her how she thinks about me generally. We started becoming very good friends when she replied back wittily that I should smile more in life.

Haha, it may seem lame but this is how the snowball started to roll. And we realized that we have certain things in common, which is not very easily found between two pals. That is precisely why we drew closer and closer. I'm really glad that I chose to ask that particular random question to her.

We turn to each other when we have any problems which we can't share with anyone else. For example, once Praveena and myself had quite a big conflict, and I poured everything inside my heart to Seri and Tabitha (guys, don't puke because this is normal in females). Both were my so-called "refuge". I wasn't very close to Nanthini at that point of time.

If you visit Seri's blog, you would understand why she touched my heart.

So readers, I've got a job for you. Go to my links area and visit Seri's blog. NOW.

Encore Parental Issues

2007-09-22T10:47:00.000+08:00

Back to them again. Is locking the door a crime too?

They think that I'm always secretly chatting in msn or doing something not worthy at the computer whenever I lock the door. The REAL REASON I lock the door is that while doing work I'm always singing something or suddenly I'll just look at my reflection on the window pane and try out dance poses. IT IS TO PREVENT THE EMBARRASSMENT. Not because I'm doing something totally illegal.

Another problem is that my mother claims that the moment I arrive home, after having a short shower or lunch or dinner or any snack, I sit at the computer AGAIN. People WRITE notes but I TYPE notes. None of them believe that I'm actually studying or working at the computer. And whenever someone barges into the door, of course, it's natural to get distracted. Locking the door makes them mad, it seems. Mad with ANGER.

I'm saying all this because my parents and I were just tearing away out throats off by shouting insanely at each other, a few minutes ago. I'm VERY angry. Sad, also. They are not trusting their daughter at all. Of course, sometimes, while having breaks, I blog for about 20 minutes. But NOT MORE THAN THAT. Hello? I AM studying. They are idiots. Unmistakable idiots.

Suspectful mum and dad.

2007-09-20T19:41:00.000+08:00

My mum is always suspecting me for not studying. So does my dad, sometimes.

Whenever, I'm busy studying in my room with the door closed, out of the blue, they'll peep in and catch me at the computer. It's so unlucky that I would be at the com to change the music playing or to answer someone in msn, all the times they try to spy on me.

Why don't parents trust us? I'm not a studying freak, but I do at least open the book and scan through something! Using the computer is a crime? 24 hours with the my nose in books is what I'm supposed to do? What the hell...

Full-stop to crushes

2007-09-20T19:04:00.000+08:00

I'm suddenly drained of crushes. Millions reduced to zero. Don't ask me why, for I do not know the answer myself. Maybe, I just don't feel like anyone. haha. But I hate guessing games, so let's come to facts.

I assumed life would be boring without these crushes. However, current happenings proved me wrong. I think I prefer being jammed in this phase, no more crushes. Somehow, my daily life is better. It may seem I'm talking nonsense, but I realize this is really very true.

I think, my dear readers, you will experience this too later in your life journey. Sayonara.

Unlucky people.

2007-09-19T18:06:00.000+08:00

Colours are beautiful. They are pretty. I think, blind people are one of the most unfortunate or rather ill-fated people. They can't see colours or the beauty in this world, this earth. Just pitch darkness.

I was just strolling back home from school along the Kalang river (or rather a canal) and I merely decided to walk in between two rows of trees. That place is always deserted. However, I was stunned to see a beauty so magnificent there, in BISHAN. I can hardly believe it... it looked exactly like a scene in the Fellowship of the Ring (when Sam, Pippin and Merry will be wildly plucking wild mushrooms while Frodo notices that something strange was dwelling in that pathway...) IT LOOKED LIKE THAT. Just a bit more tropical of course.

Shut up. Read.

2007-09-18T19:18:00.001+08:00

I am indeed grateful for those who bother to at least scan through my posts. I just want to tell you people this: I really loathe any inhabitant of this society to compare and contrast yourselves with me especially in something I'm really proud to be.

It is exceedingly unproblematic, or in the words of you typical singlish-speaking Singaporeans, "chicken-feet" (I seriously do not comprehend what the feet of stupid domestic fowl is to do with the word easy), to grant you an example.

Calling me a lousy harry potter fan. I know I'm not the best fan in the world or what (and I do not wish to be) but I'm really fond of harry potter books AND movies whether I express it outside or not. This post is exceptionally meant for one person, but I want this highlighted point of me to be rooted in the rotten brains of every individual who reads this post. And I mean this. I'm really pissed.

Sound of Rain.

2007-09-15T16:25:00.000+08:00

Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. Rain. It's beautiful music. Pleasant. I just realised today after finishing history notes at the study corner that I study extremely diligently while listening to the sound of rain. I do not know why, but it creates a kind of focus in me. So rainy days are gonna be super-studying days for me. Set.

Parental issues makes me sick.

2007-09-09T22:11:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to detest them now. Anything which is parental makes me feel sick. No offense people, only my parents. I assure you this, they are the TYPICAL parents you would have seen. The kind which jumps to conclusions constantly for eternity. Furthermore, the patriarch of our "family" is one of the most stringent people I've seen.

I think he's too used to his bloody army life. Serving the SAF is his job. I'm not offending the SAF... BUT, it has affected my father a lot. Because of that, he started treating everyone like NS guys. I'm sick of it. I can't even vent my anger on an object (according to my parents' scoldings or rather sickening lectures). I appreciate truly whatever they have done for me. Seriously. I'm indeed a very lucky girl. But at least, can my dad speak kindly with a polite tone? For him, cracking a simple joke is a crime. Crime. They are all so damn nutty.

Deathly Hallows.

2007-09-08T15:06:00.000+08:00

Alright, I've got to tell you this. I truly enjoyed the process of reading The Deathly Hallows. The way the story was weaved was honestly spectacular. Wow.

Three cheers the celebrated author of Harry Potter series, JK. Rowling. Her imagination has no limit at all. And her style of writing do not even have to be mentioned in words. That's how FANTASTIC it is. Like how every job has its own perks, every single book she wrote has uncountable number of benefits. HOWEVER......

The first thing every reader of the Deathly Hallows utter after closing the book is, "Harry Potter didn't die." JK. Rowling actually promised everyone that he would kick the bloody bucket, and I was quite shocked when she shattered her own unwanted vow. Harry Potter didn't exactly die. But he was killed. Does it make sense? Yes, it will if you had read the chapter King's Cross. SO. Harry Potter didn't die, but he was murdered by his idiotic rival. OK then, Rowling did break her vow (fortunately), unless there are any Harry-Potter haters who want him to give up the ghost.

The first hallow. Elder wand, the Deathstick, or the Wand of Destiny. Fantastic. I would love to have it. You can instantly become almighty, or invincible, unstoppable OR EVEN GOD-LIKE. Whoa, something I would crave for. If only it really would have existed. However, there seem to be a huge flaw somewhere. The one who finally or rather SUCCESSFULLY get to own the Elder Wand will become so invincible that he can win any wizard duels in the world. IF, this is the case, HOW THE BLOODY HELL can someone acquire that same wand by killing him/her? For example, Grindewald stole the wand and managed to become its true master. And dumbledore duelled him and killed him. And became the true master of the Deathstick. Isn't the wand SUPPOSED to be powerful enough to even kill Dumbledore?

Confusing... More to come the next time I post something...

Half-physical, half-mental torture

2007-09-07T15:38:00.000+08:00

Any torment in the world couldn't be worse than tickling. Sorry, dickling. Yes, Mr. Gughan is a master in that. I lost half the patience and composure in my life to just try to anticipate those "dickles" from him. That's why half-physical, half-mental torture. The moment he enters the room, I have to take EXTRA precautions to avoid his tickling. I think I can never be peaceful anymore. Sad.

Tough life.

2007-09-01T11:07:00.000+08:00

1+1=2 2+2=4
Maths used to be easy.

Now? Results are declining incredibly. Oh gosh, I need help. Or is it because I have been slacking? I think it is really time to work hard. It is time to practise intensely. Problems have been cramming itself this year. There is hardly enough space in my mind to think about studies. The phase has arrived to shelf all my problems away. Concentrate. CONCENTRATE.

Exam-oriented Singapore

2007-09-01T10:33:00.000+08:00

Holiday begins. Does it even deserve to be named holidays? All short holidays are like that. I'm starting to despise Singapore's education system. Homework, school, extra lessons, courses, more homework, paper load, encore homework, textbook, workbook, EXAMS, pens, papers, projects, assessment..... isn't it too much?

Just compare our country and other successful countries. Their schools are much more relaxing and fun. But they get better results than us in the end. Can't our government notice that young people will produce worse results when drilled too much and stressed over? I hope we will see a change soon.

Failure.

2007-08-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

This is the FIRST time in my life I had feel ashamed of myself for learning dance. I performed so dreadfully today that I do not deserve to be called dancer. All the discernible blunders caused the performances to be shredded into pieces. Not two or more pieces; THOUSAND ONES!!

I was so horrible, oh gosh. My stamina failed me. My memory power is getting bad to worse. This year is a bad egg. I need to work hard, willpower! Grant me good strength! I am relying on you.

by william blake

2007-08-28T20:24:00.001+08:00

Tyger! Tyger! Burning bright
In the forests of the Night
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart,
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Veritaserum

2007-08-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

One of the most cloak-and-dagger truths in life is the reason to live a life.

Why? Is it a must to undergo this phase of a soul? What are feelings? What is it to be fearful? What is it to be powerful? Why must we endure so much? How do we elude from mistakes and faults? Is there god? How did we come about? Whom do we trust? Why is there a consequence for everything? Are we real? Or are we just puppets?

These enigmas never do have answers. Will these remain as skeletons in a cupboard? I am awaiting for the moment these riddles will come back with verities.

How I made a difference.

2007-08-18T11:27:00.000+08:00

Labouring up the interminable flights of stairs, I furrowed my eyebrows in deep thought to recall whatever I was being taught today during my distressing dance lesson. Despite the fact that I was numb with exhaustion, I racked my brain to dredge up from my mind the exact elaborate dance movements of the complex dance item I learnt today, to stave off another agonizing string of ear-piercing rebukes from my dance teacher. It is absolutely impossible to forget her strident voice puncturing painfully in my pitiful ears, causing tears to brim incessantly from my puffy, reddened eyes. “Don’t think about that,” I told myself sternly for the umpteenth time on my way back home. Furious thoughts about my dance teacher writhed in me as I staggered towards my house gate, not having sufficient vigour to even upheave my seemingly heavy hand to reach out for the push button of the door bell.

An audible jingle of keys, and I was relieved to spot my mother opportunely opening the door for me hastily to admit me into the house. Without even glancing at her, I scrambled past her brusquely towards the refrigerator, taking no notice of her baffled look. Thrusting open the refrigerator, I skimmed its contents, finally grabbing a bottle filled with icy-cold water. Feeling elated to quench my thirst, I was about to tip the water into my parched mouth when a shrill voice impaled my ears, “You are not allowed to drink any iced water till your ‘dance arrangetram’ (dance graduation) is over, Aruna! You will catch a cold and won’t be able to perform well!” I groaned inwardly, feeling sick of my mother, as I solemnly placed the bottle back in the refrigerator, then shuffling my feet in tortoise speed towards my bed. Drowsy and weary, I plummeted straight onto my bed as bitter thoughts stared racing wildly in my mind.

“Your dance arrangetram… Aruna’s arrangetram…” This few words are constantly ringing in my ears for the past one year. I was sick of it all. Being a mere Primary Five girl, it is almost impractical to perform my Indian Classical dance graduation when even most adults struggle to do this challenging stage of Indian dance. Whether my dance teacher declared that I have reached the right phase to perform this or not, I was not at all ready to listen to all this criticizing from so many people. I would very much prefer to my dance graduation later in my life, rather than being stressed up at such a young age because it is not such a simple matter to perform a three hour dance performance, comprising of ten difficult dance items. At least five hours per day should be spent rehearsing dance, excluding during my dance classes. I lay on be bed with my perplexing mind whirling and twirling, as I tried to muster up my confidence and willpower. I was so miserable that my heart mirrored the gloomy environment around me as I slowly drifted to sleep…Time flied….Months blurred past by…

It was a cool, breezy morning as I stirred, slowly opening my bleary eyes, each one as heavy as lead. Stifling a yawn, I propped myself up on my elbow and smiled to myself. Today was the day, my dance graduation. After all the arduous rehearsals and annoying criticizing, the moment had arrived for all my problems to vanish into the thin air. Hours crawled and crept by as my tenseness snowballed.

Very speedily, I found myself standing in the back-stage of Jubilee Hall, Raffles Hotel. Everything was all ready and prepared for the programme to commence but however, I was not ready. My whole head was throbbing so painfully because of all the heavy accessories and jewellery held extremely tightly to my head, not mentioning the heavy make-up rendered on face. It was piercing cold, and I was surrounded by total, impenetrable, silent darkness, as though some giant hand had dropped a thick, icy mantle over the entire auditorium. It would be a matter of few seconds and I would be on stage. Fear started to grip me and my legs went jelly-like, literally quaking. Twenty-thousand dollars were spent for my dance graduation, and this was the time to prove myself as a good dancer. Five more seconds to enter the stage and show myself… four seconds, three seconds, two seconds… one… zero…

A dulcet melody of the life musicians greeted me as I performed the grand dance opening, with a deep look of concentration stretched across my face. A bright orange light was dazzling brightly on the stage. My confidence doubled its level when the audience gave a tumultuous round of applause and encouraged me furthermore. I was deeply excited and feeling jittery, but was also trembling greatly for the fear of making a blunder. After receiving blessings from god, my gurus (teachers) and the musicians, I began to perform my initial dance item. Adrenaline was pumping so furiously in my blood while everything was a blur around me. Few minutes passed in vigorous dancing. My heart was palpitating extremely speedily, as I started to pant out of tiredness. Trying to muster my determination not to show signs of fatigue, I took a deep breath in, pleased to realize that the first item was about to end. As the item ended, silence was weighing oppressively in the auditorium as it became jet-black once again. A hush fell over the whole auditorium but suddenly after a half-second, a thunderous applause broke out spontaneously. Appalled, I smiled broadly, bowed and walked in dance mode out of the stage.

When the whole dance graduation was over, I pondered over about all the things that made me achieve such a difficult achievement in my dance journey. I was really glad that I was the first to perform an Indian Classical dance graduation in Singapore at such a young age. Being given the opportunity to learn dance, I was very jubilant to make use of the chance well and prove myself. I am proud to say that I have actually made a difference in my life.

Gloomy.

2007-08-18T10:46:00.000+08:00

There are few moments in our life when the whole world just pauses for you; you are alone and you are swirling in this deep memory... sometimes a dream, sometimes just an imagination... and you will be admiring the nature and wondering so much why we must live this life, or is there any way to just skip this phase of a soul? Or... you will be pondering about your love life, scenes will be just whirling in you mind while adrenaline is being pumped furiously in your blood. Or maybe, you will be mulling over stuff about your enemies and hypocrites rambling annoyingly in your life... or you'll be brooding over all the recent criticisms you received and the problems you face everyday.

And then out of the blue, from the ominous sky, from the sombre ashen clouds, rain will just pelt down, distracting you from your thoughts... while it's your turn to pause for the nature. Everything will be bliss then... as the breeze caresses your hair and face... I'm sure you have experienced this before... it's one of my beautiful moments in my journey in life.

Lord of the Rings

2007-08-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stones, Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

One ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Equilibrium

2007-08-15T23:27:00.000+08:00

There is a disease in the race of men. It's symptom is hatred. It's symptom is anger. It's symptom is rage. It's symptom... is WAR. The disease is human emotion.

If only we can embrace a cure, we will have peace with ourselves. And humankind will be ONE. War will be gone. Hatred... a memory. This will be - equilibrium.

Destruction.

2007-08-15T22:58:00.001+08:00

This world is reaching the pinnacle of obliteration. What's after that? Pitch black. The countdown starts from now.

What is the cause of all this? Simple. It's all because of only ONE reason-HUMANS. Mankind metamorphosed unfortunately into devils, demons, beasts, despicable creatures or any other synonyms u can list down! It's every individual's fault. Every mortal who fumbled his way into this world plays a part in destroying our one cosmos.

The world is dying. The world is failing. The world is fading. It's all gonna be gone.Is there any way to restore its former equilibrium?